just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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