FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Randomize
