I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
