a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
