did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
