I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
