My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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