I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
