I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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