Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
