I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
