Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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