Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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