i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
are you so shy because you have an std?
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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