I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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