No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
