So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
