Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
