also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
