my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
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