I wanna bring you to show and tell
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
