Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
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