I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
