we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
