just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
