she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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