there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
