Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
3pm strippers are depressing
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
