when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Dicks are not precious.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
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