There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
He? As in you personified your dick?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Randomize
