Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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