you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
