I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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