who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
