Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
false alarm. still invincible.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
