Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
