Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
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