Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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