You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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