By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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