That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
