wat bout pragnant strippers??
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
