Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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