clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Randomize
