Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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