I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
