When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
