Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
