I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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