I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
