and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
