I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
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