i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
